Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
