You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
