1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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