dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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