whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
