I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this boner is exhausting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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