theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize