so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
