I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
