what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
