i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
