If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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