WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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