Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
