I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
