and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
