he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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