he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
