she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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