O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
