I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
