Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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