I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
