remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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