As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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