My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize