but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just invented taco cereal.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
