I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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