I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize