think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
