i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
