You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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