i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
