Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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