its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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