Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
