im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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