I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
