You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
