I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
