Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
