they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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