well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
