Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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