K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
