I faked an abortion last night.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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