meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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