Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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