You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
