Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
