i would punch a child for taco bell
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
