shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
