So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
