I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
