I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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