I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
