if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
