Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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