Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
