We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
