my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
