A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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