T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize