Can i not drive my cunt home
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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