hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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