I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize