Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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