Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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