Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
should my penis look like a turkey
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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