it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize