I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You ruined the universe
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
