Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize