last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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