you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
