i permit you to call me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
